I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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