i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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