absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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