You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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