Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
