the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
did you just send me my own nude
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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