I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
