Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
