If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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