Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
