I want to stick my p in your. b.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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