hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
