Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
