He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
