Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
