Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
