i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
