wakey wakey hands off snakey
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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