Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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