Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
