He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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