His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
