so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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