If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
