the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
