when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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