i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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