'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
