hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize