Nicole vs. Life
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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