you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
