my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
