I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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