it hurts more in the daytime
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
