Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
