I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
