Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
