Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
