I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
