white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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