matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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