Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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