he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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