Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
