I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
