I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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