Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
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Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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