i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love having hate sex.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
