An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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