Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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