Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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