just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
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Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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