finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
