i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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