and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
