Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
