I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Acid is not a monday night drug
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
