They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
