she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
