Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
