you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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