He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize