cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
As shirtless as possible
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
