I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
