the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
