I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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